This post is a little out of the ordinary for us, but hey, it's vaguely tech-related, and we're a tech company! It's our civic duty to look out for your best interests, and there's a pretty pressing issue today. Yes, after what seems like centuries of waiting, three movies of missed potential, and roughly ∞ toys sold, the day has finally come. A real, honest-to-Han sequel to Return of the Jedi is about to hit theaters, and by all accounts it's fantastic. Unfortunately, a large portion of us have jobs, families, and other boring adult obligations keeping us from raiding theaters at midnight tonight, and tomorrow will prove to be a veritable minefield of spoilers floating all over the internet (heck, they're already meandering about thanks to some loathsome ne'er do wells trying to ruin the fun for all of us). Fret not, however, because Business Systems is at your service with five simple, helpful life hacks that will send you bessedly spoiler-free back into that galaxy far, far away.
1) Don't go on the internet
You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Whether it's Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, or other stuff that I'm not saavy enough to be a part of, you must be cautious because there is approximately a 100% chance that there will be people spoiling anything and everything that happens in The Force Awakens.
2) DON'T GO ON THE INTERNET
Heck, they'll probably be live-tweeting spoilers during the movie.
3) No, really. Don't go on the internet.
If you only knew the power of the spoilers.
4) Just, don't even look at your computer because it might be connected to the internet.
Spoilers are what gives the internet its power. They are an energy field created by all living things. They surround and penetrate us. They bind the internet together.
5) You know what? You should probably just stay in bed all day.
The internet probably won't find you there. Probably.
5a. Unless your bed is connected to the internet
Then you're completely out of luck. Sorry about that.